Admit it – at some point in a long term relationship, sex begins to feel like a chore. You no longer look forward to having it. Sure, you enjoy it occasionally only that this time, you don’t really look forward to it when your relationship was still young. It happens to pretty much everything in life. Remember how when you were a kid you really couldn’t get your hands off your new toy? You held it in awe and enjoyed every minute you played with it. At some point though, you outgrew your toy and the excitement dissipated. You got a new toy perhaps. Well, that’s life.
The first thing you should note when it comes to sex in any relationship is that it all boils down to how willing you want things to work out with your partner. Yeah, this sounds like a cliché but it is true. If you’re willing to work things out with your partner, then there’s no limit to the amount of fun you can have in between the sheets. And yes, that’s exactly where sex toys come into the picture. Relax though, this isn’t where you rush to buy some fist powder yet. Another cliché comes into the picture here – one step at a time.
Talk About It
You know your partner better. You know if they’re liberal or conservative. Either way, you’ll have to face the elephant in the room at some point. The sooner the better. Talk about your sex life. Be frank and respectful with each other as you talk. Talk about it over a dinner date or as you drive out of town. Anywhere quiet is deal.
The hard part is usually how to convince your partner to try out new sex toys. You also have to convince them why you need sex toys. Some couples will gladly buy into the idea while others may be reluctant. Either way, it is important that you explain to your partner that the toy you wish to introduce isn’t meant to replace them.
Then by all means, don’t rush things. Float your idea first. You could be lucky enough to have a partner who’ll right way agree with you. On the other hand, you could have one who needs time to figure things out. In case of the latter, be patient.
Many couples forget this part – if both of you have never used sex toys before, then by all means, take time to learn. This is usually as simple as watching tutorials online together or simply reading blogs.
The first thing you’ll notice once you delve into the world of sex toys is that there are hundreds upon hundreds of sex toys. You’ll also notice that there are toys meant for solo use and toys meant for couples. Go for both – variety is a good thing here.
You may also notice that there are toys that feature very simple designs. The sub collar, thunderbeads and even some dildos actually feature very simple designs. Make no mistake though – simple in design isn’t synonymous with low on fun. The simplest designs usually guarantee the most fun.
Patience is yet another factor to take into account here. Don’t expect to learn everything in just a few hours. First understand that there’s your body and how it responds to sex. Figure out that first before considering sex toys. There are for instance, so many erogenous zones you haven’t discovered yet. There are things you enjoy during foreplay too. Understand your body as much as you can. Then move on to sex toys. This is actually where things get interesting because the sex toy market is awash with so many different sex toys. Each will feel different for you. This may mean you have to try quite a few sex toys before settling on the ones you both enjoy.
The best way to go about sex toys is to first figure out the kind of pleasure and sensation you want. If you’re into role plays and costumes, subcollars will always come in handy. If you’re into intense and euphoric orgasms within minutes, then vibrators will come in handy for you.
Couples that shop for toys together stick together – for longer. Yeah, that’s a made up adage. You get the point though. Unless you’re planning on surprising each other, you really don’t have to shop separately. Shop together as you explore the options you have. You’ll learn so much about sex toys as you do this. More importantly though, you’ll strengthen your bond.
Think of the shopping process as any other. There are factors you’ll have to take into account as you shop. For starters, there are some brands that have a good reputation in the adult sex toy market. They have around for decades, with minimal or no complaints. Stick to such brands. Sure, they may be somewhat expensive. On the flipside though, they guarantee value for money.
It is also important to go online and read thing or two about the toys you want to buy. This should actually be fun for you because there are so many forums (…or is it fora?) where you can post anonymously and interact with many other likeminded fellows. Join such platforms, post questions just to learn and find out stuff about sex toys. You can ask literally anything you wish to know from the best brands in the market all the way to technical questions like how troubleshoot malfunctioning toys.
As you shop, be sure to also shop for a few must have items alongside sex toys. Buy some fist powder. More importantly, buy some lube too. This is important because there’s no way you can enjoy sex without lube. It just can’t and won’t happen. Go for water based lube mostly because it is easy to wash off. Silicone based lube is also good only that it sticks onto surfaces much longer, so it is harder to wash off especially if it sticks onto linen. Be sure to also buy some wet wipes. You’ll have to wipe your toys after each use remember. Wet wipes will come in handy in that regard.
There are so many things you would agree with your partner when it comes to sex toys. It could be that they thunderbeads while you don’t. It could also be that they want to try out new toys every other month while you’re cool with what you have. Such differences happen all the time. Relax, they’re normal. The best you can do here is to compromise on some things. There are things you may have to forego for the sake of sanity in the relationship. Likewise, there are things your partner must concede so you can both move onto other things. Find a middle ground and lay down what you’re willing to concede. It may be hard at first. With time, you’ll both be fine and even glad that you ironed things out.
Sex toys can go a long way to strengthen your relationship. So yeah, the misconception that it can harm a relationship remains just that – a misconception. Remember though that you must be on the same page on so many things with your partner when it comes to sex toys. For instance, don’t hide stuff – you know, buying toys in secret and using them in secret. It is also important that you make a habit of addressing issues that affect fun in between the sheets. Be candid with each other. Be respectful too. It’s not rocket science as many people might have made you believe.
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