Think of sex toys as any other new serious thing you would want to introduce in a relationship. Yes, it is serious because it’ll directly have an impact in your sex lives. That means you have to be keen on how you go about it. Plan well, and everything will go as planned. Assume things and you’ll likely ruin the relationship. Here’s what to do before introducing sex toys in your relationship.
Talk About ItSet aside time just to talk to your partner about your plans. One of the worst things you can do as far as sex toys are concerned is assuming you’re both on the same page. Sure, you could both be pro-sex toys. You could however be in it for sub collars and thunderbeads while all she wants are anal vibrators. This will most likely create an unnecessary problem.
Here’s a trick not so many partners usually think about – you don’t really have to agree on everything 100%. That is exactly where compromise comes into the picture. You can agree on what form of compromise that’ll work for both of you. She can for instance, give up on anal beads as you give up on sub collars. You can then agree on other toys like vibrators and some special lubes. Ultimately, you’ll have toys. It may not be what you had both planned for but you’ll at least have something new in bed.
Manage Your ExpectationsSure, sex toys are fun. Buy some fist powder for the first time and you certainly will be too eager to know how it feels. Chances are, you may not even wait for your partner to get home so you unpack the toys you bought online together. There’s nothing wrong with such kinds of expectations. It’s pretty much the case you had when your parents bought you your first toy car. You just couldn’t wait to get home and play with it. You’re now an adult and the same thing is happening only that this time, you’re excited about a sex toy.
Don’t get too carried away. Relax a little, then manage your expectations. If it’s your first time ever, then expect anything. There’ll be some learning curve which means you may not have as much fun as you think. Your saving straw here should your partner who could be a little experienced in matters sex toys. A little guidance here and there and you’ll certainly have the time of your life. Do things on your own and yeah, you could mess up a little before eventually learning your way through the ropes.
Be PatientYou’ve probably watched adult models have an easy time using thunder beads and other toys. You watch them over and over and you just can’t help but wonder why they have such an easy, fun time with toys. Well, each model you see was once a novice, just like you. At some point while still learning a thing or two about toys, they felt like throwing in the towel. They took and step at a time and look at them now. You can’t get your eyes off them.
Be patient with yourself and the whole process. Your both introducing toys for fun and even more importantly, to strengthen your bond. The bigger picture is worth the price you’ll be paying as you learn. You’ll feel strange and may be even awkward. It happens. The first orgasm off a toy though will quickly open your mind to the fact that you’ve been missing out on some much. Eventually you’ll want to use your toys more and more together.
Be Willing To Learn New StuffThis is important. The world of sex toys is a massive one. There are toys you’ve never heard of or seen before. Be willing to learn a thing or two about them. You don’t have to use them on yourself or your partner. You can always read about them or even watch tutorials. The main idea here is to have an open mind. As long as no one is getting hurt and you and your partner are both on the same page, then there is no harm in exploring new ideas.
It could also be that you just want to surprise your partner with a new toy. Or the other way round. If you had both talked about the toy you’ve just been surprised with, then show some enthusiasm. Try it out. You can always return the favour and surprise your partner with a new toy too. Once you both learn the art of willingness to try out new stuff, you’ll be surprised at how far you’ll both go to keep each other happy.
Be GentleYou may have already noticed that the models you see online using sex toys are somewhat rough. They are also experienced. That’s what makes it easy for them to go hard and rough on each other – experience and expertise. You don’t have that luxury yet so by all means, be gentle on each other. Before you know it, you’ll both have picked a certain rhythm. You’ll also be in sync with each other so much so that you’ll just change pace back and forth almost automatically.
HygieneThis is every important. Who should clean up after you’ve both used the toys? Not so many couples ever think about this yet it is a vital issue. It is vital because yes, sex can be a little bit messy sometimes.
One of the easiest ways to ensure you observe hygiene throughout your experience is to simply have wet wipes within reach. Have them by the bedside so you can easily wipe your toys after use. You may also need clean, dry towels.
Don’t Get Too Carried AwayAt some point, you’ll want to have more and more of your toys. Be keen because it is easy to get carried away. It is easy to get addicted too. The last thing you want to experience is inability to enjoy sex unless a toy is involved.
Whatever you do, practice modesty. Make some nights all about sex toys. Conversely, make some nights free of both toys and sex in general. Make it a routine until you both know when and when not to use toys. Establish clear lines of communication here.
Learn to say no when you’re really not in the mood for toys. Learn to also respect your partner when they request for a break or that you both slow down. You have each other remember. There’ll be so many days ahead when you can have so much fun with toys.